Sexy Chances
by theoreoqueen
Summary: Kurt buys sex dice to spice things up in the bedroom. However, the results are far from what they expected.


**Really short and really silly. What can I say, I was inspired by an episode of Bob's Burgers :P**

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Scheduled sex was not an indication they were growing old. Rather, Blaine considered, it meant they had busy, fulfilling lives. Making their dreams come true had sacrifices, yes. But this meant every Sunday they could set time aside for just the two of them.

Kurt was still in the bathroom, so Blaine waited patiently atop their bed, scrolling through his phone. He hadn't bothered to strip completely naked yet, only wearing his powder-blue boxers and a plain white t-shirt.

When Kurt emerged, Blaine looked up and set aside his phone, smiling at him. His husband had his collared pajama set on and his hands behind his back, looking oddly giddy.

Just as Blaine was about to ask, Kurt stood at the edge of the bed, lifting a shoulder. "I have something special planned tonight," Kurt said a bit airily.

Blaine raised his eyebrows. "Oh?"

Kurt pressed his lips together and nodded, the coif of his hair bouncing. "Mhmm." He brought his hands in front of him, holding them out to Blaine. "Sex dice!"

Six-sided large pink dice, with words printed in red lettering on every side. Blaine could already see options like 'lick' and 'tease.' Intrigued, he repeated, "Sex dice?"

"Yeah! We roll them and they tell us what to do!" Kurt said rather excitedly, plopping down across from Blaine. He looked _really_ excited, in fact, flush high at his cheeks. "I mean, the website said it would spice things up in the bedroom."

"Kurt, we've what, thirty? Our bedroom is spicy enough," Blaine joked.

His husband only gave him a look. "I spent ten bucks on these, Blaine. Shall I roll first or do you want to?"

Blaine chuckled. "You can, dear."

To clear facts up, sex with Kurt was the farthest from losing spice. During their almost decade of marriage Blaine often commented how they're sex experts (or as Blaine likes to say, sexperts). True, he wished life made it a little more accessible to fuck whenever they liked, such as when they were younger. But with Blaine composing and Kurt designing, he savored every chance they could get.

Kurt cupped the dice and shook vigorously, dropping them on the duvet and waiting until they stopped rolling. "Ooo, touch arms!"

"Touch arms?" Blaine furrowed his brow. "Sounds...sexy?"

"Well, think of it as a warm-up, honey." Kurt cleared his throat and shook his head, obviously getting down to business. Sitting up on his knees, he leaned forward and promptly placed his hands on Blaine's forearms, as instructed.

Except, that was it. Kurt kept his hands where they were, sort of rubbing his thumbs across Blaine's skin, also confused on what else should happen. Blaine just sat there, offering his arms, trying incredibly hard not to laugh.

He wanted to make a joke like, _Is this what kids are into nowadays? Touching arms?_ when Kurt released his hands and said, "Alright! Round one, complete. Your turn!"

Scooping up the dice, Blaine silently prayed for something a little more risque. He rolled and held his breath until the result settled.

"Kiss hand?"

"Ooo!" Kurt smiled, clapping twice before holding out both his hands for Blaine. "Left or right, your choice."

Feeling more like a gentleman than a self-proclaimed sexpert, Blaine took his husband's left hand and planted a kiss on top of it. It lasted about two seconds. How in the world was this supposed to lead them to sex?

Several more rolls later, they landed on actions such as 'tickle ears, 'nuzzle lips', and once again, 'touch arms.' Blaine was starting to question if these dice were meant to be sexy or just plain ridiculous, for he and Kurt ended up cackling and snorting unattractively rather than being turned on.

"Alright, your turn," Kurt said, brushing away a stray tear as his laughter died down. His determination to make this night spicy ended with him rolling a 'tickle back' which not only meant the spine but apparently also counted sensitive sides. Blaine squirmed and protested weakly with, "Kurt, no _no don't-Kurt!_ " and dissolving into giggles as his husband tickled him mercilessly.

However, Blaine argued that he too should listen to the dice, and indeed 'tickled back,' twisting around and wiggling his fingers at Kurt's armpits, which caused his husband to shriek and fall over to the other side of the bed.

Blaine gathered the dice and made his roll, surprisingly hoping for something else silly. The first die landed on 'lick' and the second one came to show 'neck.'

Eyebrows shooting up, he looked over at Kurt, who was laying down next to him and still wiping his eyes, probably worried he smeared his moisturizer. He hadn't even paid attention to the roll.

Blaine's mouth formed into an impish grin. If there was any spot Kurt was more sensitive at than his armpits…

He maneuvered over to hover over top his husband, keeping his eyes hooded and his smirk wide. Kurt studied his fingertips to see if any lotion had come off before lifting his eyes upwards. "Oh, hey. What did you r-"

He was cut off by his own sharp inhale as Blaine dived into the crook of his neck, inhaling deeply through his nose before grazing his lips downwards, flattening his tongue against the skin only to drag it all the way up to his earlobe.

Kurt shuddered, breathing quicker now. Blaine counted that as a victory and refused to move away, only nuzzling his neck as Kurt spoke. "O-oh I see. Mmm." He brought a hand up, winding it in Blaine's loosened hair.

Blaine grinned before settling his body lower, not meaning to but kind of intentionally pinning Kurt down. He continued on his mission, now beginning to press wet kisses against Kurt's jaw then trailing them down his throat.

"B-Blaine," Kurt breathed, aiming for stern but ending up with the opposite. "It's...it's my- _oh_ -turn."

"Mhm," Blaine agreed, now returning to the earlobe and sucking it between his teeth.

The reaction was exactly what he'd hoped for. Kurt tightened his grip on Blaine's hair and dug his fingernails into his arm. He was gasping and writhing his body upwards.

So Blaine promptly responded with rolling his hips down, causing Kurt to groan and him to grin wider.

"You're not following the rules, Blaine," Kurt scolded, unable to hide a smile.

"Are you complaining?"

"Absolutely not." And with that, Kurt tugged him up and kissed him fiercely.

The dice were completely forgotten as they continued feverishly, Kurt busy meeting Blaine's thrusts and breathing heavily against his hair while Blaine mouthed down his neck once again. Kurt's fists grasped for Blaine's white shirt, and Blaine's fingers threaded into his brown hair.

They should have taken off their layers, but there was no means of stopping now. The space between them may have turned especially warm, but the heat between his legs was greater. Blaine considered teasing Kurt for not buying dice that told them to take off their clothes. However, his husband was clinging onto him desperately, grabbing Blaine's ass and angling his hips to grind their cocks in a way that sent Blaine whining into Kurt's neck.

Blaine rocked down hard and fast until Kurt came first, mouth hanging with flush bright on his face. Blaine then dropped his head to his shoulder and let go with a deep, cut-off moan.

Their bedroom eventually stopped spinning and stilled to reality. Kurt was petting his curls instead of gripping on like a life line. Blaine was biding his time nuzzling Kurt's jaw again, taking in the smell of sweat and sex.

"So you agree?" Kurt finally said.

"Agree on what?"

"Ten dollars well spent, yes?" He could feel Kurt smiling.

"Oh, my god." Blaine started laughing, easing off of Kurt and wincing at the stickiness in his underwear. "It's the dice's fault I came in my pants."

"Oh, sweetheart." Kurt looked up at him with a sated, coy smile. "You did that all on your own."

As result, Blaine tickled under his armpits relentlessly once again.


End file.
